I just realised that the reason I don't want anyone special in my life is because I'm in love with the idea that somewhere out there, there is someone meant for me to find. I guess, I am a hopeless romantic after all. I'm so in love with this idea that even if love does come knocking on my door and is staring me in the face, I would probably slam the door shut in it's face.
Maybe I like this idea so much because it makes life feel longer. It ignites in us the hope that there is still one more chapter unlike any other to come, that would change our lives.
I'm not sure if this tendency is self-destructive or rather romantic. I think, a little bit of both.
Which brings me to the other question: what should I do about "I"?
I like him, but I like me more.
I like being alone. I am more productive that way. I guess, I'm just in love with the idea of being alone.
Sounds weird, right?
I know.
In the beginning, when I could not imagine myself being in a long term relationship with anyone I thought that something in me had broken. Now, I think that something actually fixed itself inside me. Something that probably wasn't even broken to begin with, hell, it probably didn't exist. It's more like a piece of the puzzle that had been missing, was finally put in place. Hence completing the puzzle.
It is weird as to how much has changed in a year, and how almost nothing has changed. This time last year, I was still heartbroken, trying to get my life in order. Although not heartbroken, I'm again trying to get my life back on track. Oddly enough, not knowing what I'll be doing same time next year, pleases me.
Maybe I like this idea so much because it makes life feel longer. It ignites in us the hope that there is still one more chapter unlike any other to come, that would change our lives.
I'm not sure if this tendency is self-destructive or rather romantic. I think, a little bit of both.
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| Dornbirn Weihnachtsmarkt 2015 |
I like him, but I like me more.
I like being alone. I am more productive that way. I guess, I'm just in love with the idea of being alone.
Sounds weird, right?
I know.
A few months back, I could have sworn that I just wanted that one person who would be willing to be there and put in the time and effort. Something changed in me after I came back from India, after the summer vacation. I can't put my finger at what exactly changed.
In the beginning, when I could not imagine myself being in a long term relationship with anyone I thought that something in me had broken. Now, I think that something actually fixed itself inside me. Something that probably wasn't even broken to begin with, hell, it probably didn't exist. It's more like a piece of the puzzle that had been missing, was finally put in place. Hence completing the puzzle.
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| Luschnouar Christkindlemarkt |
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