All About The Goodbyes?

I wonder if things would have been different if he had chosen me. I don't let myself think about this because I know what I have today, who I am today, is because he didn't choose me, and I like me right now.
But right now, sitting at the table with a cup of tea by my side, I'm letting myself wonder for the first time: what if?.

Would we still be together? Would I still become the person I am today? Would he change with me or would we grow apart?

The saddest part of all, it doesn't matter anymore. I remember when I felt so incomplete without him, when I expected to find a part of him in others. I remember thinking that I'd probably never have something like that with someone else in my life, that it was a once in a lifetime kind of a thing.
Maybe it was, but over time, I kind of forgot that whenever I met him my throat would constrict, and not like in the movies because I was in love, but because even though he was my best friend in the whole entire world at that point, I always felt the need to impress him. Maybe it would have been different if I hadn't fallen in love with him, but the one thing I've learned is that when you love someone you don't feel the need to impress them, especially since you thought he was too important to you for you to fake it with him.

Because I love her stupid-ass,even thought she doesn't read my blog :P

Now I'm not saying it was all bad because I would be lying. He did make me feel loved and safe, it's just that sometimes when we love someone, we hold on too damn hard to them because we are hopeless romantics, and because we are so afraid that something this good won't happen twice, that somehow we don't deserve it. We believe every love to be our last. I guess that's what makes it so beautiful but at what cost?

What if we had it wrong all along? What if relationships weren't ever about the famous forever but rather about learning all that you could about yourself with the help of a person, and then when the time came, to bid your goodbyes?

What if it was all about the goodbyes?

Ever since we were kids, we were taught that the people who count stay, and I guess they do, but if you really think about it, the people who made the deepest impressions on us weren't the ones who stayed. It was the ones who left us or were left behind.

Yes, goodbyes hurt but that thing that you feel when you leave something that matters behind, when you turn a new page and have a blank slate, oh God, that feeling is indescribable. It is what sustains us, what motivates us to do better..to be better in the future.

What if life was about the goodbyes?