Human Beings: As a race, are we all hopeless romantics?

Dwarka, Gujarat December 2015
Gomti River

I feel as if I am a hopeless romantic even when I think I am not. We all are. It is the way we were brought up: always told stories where good always wins, where there is always someone kind and honest to help us in our time of need.
We can't help falling in love. We crave love in the same way a person who is drowning craves just a breath of air or a hand to hold onto.
Even when we don't want to, we wear our hearts on our sleeves.
It is just the way we as human beings are.
Although in the past one week I have realised that some of us are just better at suppressing that part of us than others. But in the end we all are the same.
We need love and affection to sustain us. The other thing that I have figured out is that a lot of us don't actually want the forever that we were always promised. I mean, the notion in itself is something really beautiful, one that instills an infinite amount of hope in us. But that is about it.
Human beings need to suffer every once in a while. We crave pain. It makes the next experience that much more intense, you see. We flit from person to person in the hope of finding something extra-ordinary, something that makes sense of this chaotic world of ours, and every time we find someone new, who understands a little more than the average people around us, everything does make sense. For a little bit at least. It is the romantic in us that needs that assurance that all the dots shall connect, and this is just one of the ways for our mortal little souls to feel that.

Dwarka, Gujarat December 2015
Gomti River

It isn't really a bad thing, in all honesty, this is one of the things that makes us, as a species, spectacular to watch; the yearning to love and care for someone other than ourselves despite the odds, the hope that never seems to run out that one day we will find someone who makes it all worth while.

7-1-16

Yesterday, I realised that everything I do or say is about me and me alone. I don't know when I became like this, I just did. At first I would do too much for others, till a point that a lot of times it screwed me over. So then, I decided to not do so much for others and concentrate on myself.

I decided that not everyone is worth the amount of time and energy you spend on them. 

Then somewhere down the line I felt as if no one was worth the time and energy that I would need to put in them. 

It is just that in the past one and a half year I have met my fair share of people (guys, really) that I really wish did not even exist. They were plain fucked up. Characters you watch in B-grade hindi movies and then wonder if such people even exist, and even if they do exist, then why the fuck are they still alive. It is as if the value of people, as a race, just went down in my eyes, albeit unconsciously. 

So then, I just stopped letting people in. Even the ones that I had previously let into my heart were locked out. 

I think, it is time that I have a look around me and actually see what is going on with everyone that I love because there is a lot that is going on.

Anyways, today I met Dinaz, Kunal and Ankita, and they were shooting this one scene for their new Youtube video.

Firstly, it was so much fun!!

Secondly, I wonder if I should have just stuck to BMM rather than going to Austria to study Textiles.

There was this moment when I was sitting on her bed and I could actually visualise how my life would have been if I had stayed back here: chilling with good friends, having fun, making videos or projects for college. Honestly, that life did not look that bad. It looked pretty damn good.

Taking A Chance.

Bödele, 2015

A few months back when Brigitte had asked me if I would like to stay with Monika and all till my apartment was ready, I was filled with doubt. So much so that I almost backed out.
I was so scared as to what if it again does not work out. I did not want to endanger my relationship with Brigitte. Past experiences had made me vary.
Honestly, right now, after reading their christmas card again, I am so glad that I took that chance and stayed with them.
In the past year and a half I have met my fair share of people that I would have rather not met, but this family accepted me as one of their own.
In them, I found friends and a family away from my family. For the first time in a while the place where I stayed felt like a home rather than an enclosed space where I came to eat and sleep.
All the things that went wrong earlier, did not work out for a reason.

I guess, my point is that although we might be scared of taking a chance on something that previously did not work out for us, it is important that we take a chance on ourselves because sometimes, maybe, just maybe, you might find some people worth finding.

Dornbirn, Austria 2015

Until Next Time. Love, Anmol

Hi Fai,
I know that while growing up I didn't really share a lot of stuff with you but I think you'd be very proud of the person that I've become in the past few years.
I miss you. I know it doesn't seem like it much, but I think about you. A lot.
And I just wanted to say that I love you and although I am not sure if I believe in an Afterlife, I hope that you have found peace.
Until next time.

Love,
Anmol

"You do not give up on the people you love for such small reasons." 

This is what I realised today evening when I was thinking if it would be somehow be better if I called it quits. I had been thinking this for a day now but somehow today was when I remembered this very important thing. You do not give up on the people you love for such small things.

It isn't that this concept is new to me. It is the fact that it has been a while now that I have cared about anyone enough to not give up on them if it does not suit my needs. I know it sounds horrible but in life you do need to give up on things and people that hinder you from reaching your potential. It is not something that I regret doing because I learned the hard way around that though there might be fifty people that you talk to, only a very few actually make any significant difference in your life.

Everyday, every moment I need to consciously remind myself not to give up, not because I want to in particular but because it has been a while since something or someone has mattered enough for me to actually want to see how it goes.

So, yeah, you do not give up on the people you love all the while hoping that they will stay, no matter what..that they do not give up on you.