The Beauty In The Cluelessness Of Youth.

(Photo Credits: endlosen
Instagram.com/endlosen)

There is something amazing about disconnecting from the world.
I know, I'm not disconnected. I'm still writing this blog and I'm still posting on Instagram.
And I still use Snapchat. Kind-off.
But I'm still disconnected.
Yesterday, I spoke to someone I hadn't spoken to in a while.
You know what?
It felt good.
And then I spoke to Pree. Speaking to her just cleared my mind.
I haven't been this clear-headed in a hot minute now. Maybe it's the writing. Maybe it's the disconnecting.
Maybe, just maybe, it's the fact that I've realised that somethings in life just happen that once. I have to learn to accept it.
Some things and some people are just exceptions, that turn your world upside down. You won't come across them all that often in life, but when you do, you'll know it. You will know, without a doubt, that they..that they are here to change your life.

My problem is that I refuse to believe that I can't or rather won't find someone like that again.
The first time around, I had accepted the fact, that I'd never feel like that again.
But you see, the thing is, I did. I did feel again. I felt and it felt as if every bone in my body was alive.
For once I felt as if this could work out again.

As if the only reason I didn't have an umbrella to protect me in the rain, was so that someone could show me the beauty in getting drenched. Not alone, but rather along with someone else. Satisfied knowing that although I had no idea where I was going, the person along with me, was just as clueless. Because there is a certain beauty in the cluelessness of youth.

                                                                                    (Photo Credits: endlosen
                                                                                 Instagram.com/endlosen)

A Book Holds Many Secrets.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Star

For the very first time, I see the beauty of John Green's books. I never really understood what made people love them. I never cared much for the plot itself. It's just that, in almost every book of his that I have read, I've found this one quote or this one thought, that one of the characters has, that resonates with my core. It makes me believe that I'm not alone.

The feeling when you read exactly what you've been thinking in a book, written by someone you've never met, that captures, what you feel or at one point have felt so strongly about, so perfectly. As if, you yourself might have, someday, sat down with him, and explained to him, why you feel that way.

But today, I understand the beauty of his books. They aren't perfect. Most of the times, they are heartbreaking. But isn't that what we, humans, are?

We aren't perfect. A lot of times in life, we don't get our happy endings, but despite it all, we forge on.

When our heart gets broken, we try to mend it, piece by piece, inch by inch,  in the hope, that one day, we may forget, that it was ever broken.

I-Love-You-So-Much-Best-Friend Kind-Off A Post.

So I've written about a lot of people I love, but it dawned on me, that I've almost never written about one of my best friends, whom I've known since the end of seventh grade. So, yeah, for more than six years. 

Aanchal & I, we've been through a lot of shit together, that most best friends don't go through, but you know what, our friendship withstood it all. 

We aren't perfect. We can be dumb as fuck. And we always fall for the wrong people. 

But she's always there, whenever I've needed to whine about some guy or gossip about someone, or just needed someone to be there for me.
So I guess this is another I-Love-You-So-Much-Best-Friend kind-off a post.

Vodka And Beer Aren't Compatible.

Drinking for two consecutive days, was not a good idea.

Day before yesterday, I met my school friends, and we'd gone bar hopping. Although we didn't really get drunk because we'd stuffed ourselves to the brim with food, it was so much fun. I had not had that much fun is so so long. On top of that, on Monday was the Karaoke Night, and I sang!!!
THRICE!!! Haha I know, right?? Mad.

(Don't judge my creepy eyes.)

Anyways and then yesterday, I'd gone to college yesterday, as I was a participant for Aanchal's Psych-Experiment, and then met Kunal, Dinaz and all. Somehow we decided to go to my place, since there was no one there.

Once there, we called for drinks and food. A lot of food. I'm pretty sure, if I was in Austria, it would have taken me three days to finish it. X_X (No judgement, alright?)

It was absolutely epic.
We played Charades, and Anku, Kunal and me won.
I took Priyanka piggy back. By the way, she wasn't in the least bit heavy.

Lastly, Kunal had this amazing idea of mixing the leftover Vodka with Foster's (Beer)!!!
It tasted pretty okay-ish, but fuck, once I came home, did all hell break out.

So at first, I was fine. I even contemplated, going to the gym. Within an hour, I literally couldn't even move. Every time, I moved as much as a limb, I felt as if one of the two things might happen: Either my stomach might burst like a balloon, or, I'd vomit.

Let me just tell you, in case you were wondering, NOT A GREAT EXPERIENCE.

But you know what, I'd do it all over again, because days like these, spent with best friends, are what life is about. You know when you laugh so much that your stomach literally pains, and you get this feeling of contentment, as if this is exactly where you belong.

(Just some additional swag from my time in RCUPG last year :P)

A Balance.

I think, it is extremely rare to find your inner voice. It has always been there, inside us, the only difference now is, that you've finally let it be heard.

At first, I used to do everything practically, or at least try to, but soon I realised that, that particular approach wasn't exactly working for me. So then came the period in my life, where I did what "felt right", and in doing so, I never regretted anything. I did what I wanted to, because I wanted to do it.

I didn't indulge in any thoughts of whether it would be acceptable, is it normal, etc, etc.

You get the point.

Of late, I don't exactly know what I should be doing. I think, I'm trying to achieve something in between those two above mentioned stages: A balance.

For example: I don't know what I should do about the entire Matthew situation. The practical part of me knows I should let him be, but then yesterday, again, I was talking to these two people, who do not even know him, and somehow, already decided that he wasn't good enough for their best friend.

After everything, after me complaining about what a fucked up friend he was to me, I didn't hesitate for even a heartbeat before taking his side. Like what the fuck, of course he is good enough for their stupid best friend. He's more than good enough. This kind-off makes me wonder, what exactly am I doing, if I do not even have to think for a nanosecond, after all his crap, before saying with utter confidence, that, he is an amazing person.

I think my problem is, that because at one point he was so like me, and still reminds me of me, I just hold out hope, that he can change, if he just has someone there, who believes in him, like the way I changed. 

 (Because I love them to the moon and back.)

Great Things Take Time.

I literally deleted an entire post because I realised that I've been writing about the same shit over and over again, and that those things don't matter enough to me for me to be writing about them. I used to love writing because I used to write about stuff that mattered to me. Something I haven't been doing for a while now.
So here's to a new beginning.

When I was younger, say about three years back, I heard these magic stories about people, who joined the gym and somehow magically lost 20 kgs in a span of two or so months.
Let me just say, BULL-FUCKING-SHIT.

Okay, what we weren't told then, was that it requires hard work and dedication. I started going religiously to the gym about a few months back. Before that, I used to go, but on a twice or thrice (when I was lucky) per week basis. The problem wasn't that I didn't like it. The problem lay in getting myself back in the gym after a rest day. Fast forward to a few months back, when I genuinely started loving going to the gym. I'm not sure how it exactly happened. I just know that now, I literally have to make an effort to not go to the gym.

I think the change came about when I stopped being so self-consious and actually went and tried out new things about which I'd previously researched. I realised that there were so many things and machines that I had never even thought of experimenting with.
One other thing that helped me is getting over my shy side when it came to asking others for help, because let's face it, we all need help at the gym, even if it's only to spot us.

The only way you will get any results or gains at the gym is with hard work and determination. Don't fret if you don't get that to that desired number at that very second because great things take time. So don't give up.

India, you are missed.

Most of the times, if we allow ourselves to, happiness can be found in the most mundane things. Sometimes it can be found in the comforting embrace of nostalgia.

You know those times when you are wondering as to why you are feeling so numb and then you see something or someone and a cacophony of emotions flood over you, this is exactly what happened to me a few minutes back when I stalking (What?? We all do it) my best friends Instagram profile and saw all these pictures of us from last year before I came to Austria and I suddenly realised how much I miss home and how much I miss her. Until that moment, the fact that I was away from home or from my best friends never really bothered me. But honestly, I'm ready to come home for a very very long summer. ♥
P.S. I miss each and every one of you: Kunal, Ankita, Pree, Sarah, Saher, Goardss...
I just happened to have being stalking Dinaz's profil. X_X